Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
