just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
