By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
