Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
