He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
