I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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