just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
