just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize