I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
