Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
