Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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