it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
