I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
