i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
