forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
