omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
