Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
