i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
