He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
