so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
