yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
