No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
