I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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