Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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