i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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