my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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