this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
