Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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