I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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