My hand turned me down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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