HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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