I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
