he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
