Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
