My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
