Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
