Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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