He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
