i love accidental penises.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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