I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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