never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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