Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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