well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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