Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
