Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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