She's like a pop up book from hell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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