She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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