He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
