I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize