I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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