i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
