I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i believe in u and ur pee
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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