Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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