You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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