woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
