Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
