Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
