These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
