I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
