my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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