you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
