It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A bitchslap is in order.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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