and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
