Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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