Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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