Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
