My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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