Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
birth control should be required to get into college
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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