you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
