My sheets look like a crime scene.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
