apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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