he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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