It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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