The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
