The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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