He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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