somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
