he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
smell my finger.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
