winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
