he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize