Screwed.edu
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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