so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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