found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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