you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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